Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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