My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My cat gives me a boner
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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