We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
