guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
