i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
