I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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