why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
