trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
