Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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