i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
