You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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