What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
