I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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