fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
