AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
