How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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