Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
