What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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