If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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