her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
