At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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