I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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