I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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