I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
