Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
