Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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