i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
