counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
