I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
