Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
