just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
