I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's shark week go big or go home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
