put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
