So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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