Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
dude. I can hear the air.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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