my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
