im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
