the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
