Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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