well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
