It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
