summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
