dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dick very happy bro
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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