remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
