Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
