i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
