All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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