i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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