my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
