Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
