It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
