i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
