I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
