wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
