im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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