Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
