overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
